sorry guys!

I've been terribly remiss with posts & I apologize. But if you knew how topsy-turvy my life has been... Sexy Englishman & I broke up in May. It was absolutely devastating for the first two weeks, but I'm still here. It helped that I started dating the next day. Although lately it seems that he's been regretting his stupid decision. [Fingers crossed, everybody.] More importantly, I went to a 6-week theatre acting intensive and I learned so much. It was crazy! I haven't slept properly in about four months because first I was too busy dating & going out (oh so much partying), then insanely busy learning scenes. We all did at least 6 scenes in 5 weeks. It was so intense my photographic memory came back, probably in solidarity with the rest of me. Plus, I never thought I could do theatre besides musicals but now I want to try.

School was like therapy, boot camp and social awareness training all rolled into one. As an actor you can't be detached from your life - you have to go honestly with the truth of the moment. I had to stop distancing myself from what goes on around me. Which meant that I ended up crying almost every time I got up in class. It was worth it - I kind of knew I was sitting back, watching my life go by, but this smacked me in the face with that fact and stopped me. I also have a hard time allowing myself to express my feelings, because I'm afraid of how intense I can be, & I had to learn that it's ok to scream & throw shit & cry & do whatever short of physically hurting the other person. I found it incredibly difficult to stop controlling my emotions all the time, so I wasn't very good until my last scene. My partner & I were so good, the teacher just tweaked our scene a bit, let us do it again & said, "Thank you. That was fantastic. You've inspired me to greatness. Next!" No one in our classes had ever finished a scene that quickly. I was walking on air the rest of the day.

I'm working at Giant Multinational Corporation again for a while. It sucks because I desperately needed a rest after school but I had to start the Tuesday after it ended. Money is money though. Business at the dungeon is nearly nonexistent anyway, after the police closed two places. I'm going to try to update more often... wish me luck with auditions & boys!